


Can't Fight It

by SpiffyK



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Infidelity, Light Angst, M/M, Possessive Ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-07 07:05:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19204345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiffyK/pseuds/SpiffyK
Summary: When he closes his eyes he can still feel Ben's surprisingly soft hands in his hair, stroking the back of his neck, sliding under his shirt. He can still smell Ben's aftershave and the taste of his skin, that place under his jaw that made him moan.





	Can't Fight It

He doesn't really know how all this started, maybe it was the army, maybe it was before. No, that's a lie. He knows - he's always known. But he's hidden this before, he's been with girls before... It's never gone quite this far but still. 

It would probably be easier if he was Bi, but he's not. He knows all of this is a terrible idea, he just hopes that he can make Whitney happy, at least for a while, to repay her for everything she's done for him. Maybe it's not the best reason for getting married, but people have married for less. 

He finishes his beer, kisses Whitney on the cheek and heads for a slash, there's no one to follow him today, which he should be happy about, but he's not sure that he is. When he closes his eyes he can still feel Ben's surprisingly soft hands in his hair, stroking the back of his neck, sliding under his shirt. He can still smell Ben's aftershave and the taste of his skin, that place under his jaw that made him moan. The way Ben had dropped to his knees and looked up at him with hooded eyes and blown pupils, his mouth open and gasping like that day he'd pinned him against the door. 

He has to stop thinking of it, he splashes his face with cold water in the bathroom sink but it doesn't seem to matter, he can still feel the ache in his chest, that want that hasn't gone away, he can still taste the inside of Ben's mouth, the heat of his skin, feel the length of his cock in his hand and the noise he made when he came. 

He scrubs his hands over his face, shoves the touch of Ben's mouth and the way he'd said his name to the back his mind and strides back out to the bar. 

"Oh, you don't mind if I work Tina's shift tonight do you, babe?" Whitney wraps her arms around his neck, "She's busy getting The Prince Albert ready and Linda's a bod short, we'll have that night in tomorrow, yeah?"

"No, yeah, course. No problem." He tries to smile, but it feels overly tight on his face, he has to get out. "Well I'll leave you to work then, see you later Whit." He smacks a quick kiss to her cheek because it's expected and rushes out. 

"Oh, ok. See you later." He barely hears Whitney's words before he's out the door and literally walking into the last person he wants to see. Except that he's not, he's the first.

"Whoa, slow down cowboy." 

They're close enough that he can smell Ben's aftershave again and he doesn't manage to get any real words out, only stutters and tries to push past, but Ben isn't having any of it and grabs hold of his arm.

"All right?" Ben frowns up at him."Callum?" His blue eyes narrow in question and Callum feels like he can breathe again just looking at Ben.

"Yeah, I'm - can we talk?" 

"'Course. You wanna go to the car lot?" Ben gestures behind them without taking his eyes off Callum.

"My place is free, if that's ok?" Callum asks, Ben still hasn't let go of his arm, his fingers burn a brand through Callum's clothes. 

"Whatever you want." Ben says.

Whatever he wants. It's not something he ever really thought about before Ben had thrown the doors to his closet wide open. Not even really until that night, when they'd kissed that first time. He's never been the one to put himself first, he's just Halfway, no one important, no one special. 

What does he want?

"Callum?" Ben asks again when he hasn't moved. 

Callum wants to kiss him. 

"Come on." He leads Ben around to the undertakers, he can hear Jay still in the office and gestures for Ben to be quiet as they step past and head upstairs. 

Callum feels himself heating up, just being near Ben again, his breath comes a little quicker. He takes off his blazer and tie, tossing them on the sofa and turning to face Ben.

Ben's watching him with one eyebrow raised as he drops his own jacket beside Callums things, "Not that I'm unhappy about you undressing, but are you all right?" He steps closer to Callum, rests his fingertips on Callum's belt buckle, looks up at him through soft dark eyelashes. He's gorgeous.

"I've been thinking-"

"Dangerous." Ben remarks with that infuriating smirk. 

"Shut up." Callum says, he smiles while he says it. "I just, I do love Whitney. But this, with you, I feel..."

"Alive?" Ben suggests, he undoes the top two buttons of Callum's shirt, presses a kiss just under his jaw. Callum's slides his hands around Ben's thick waist and pulls him closer. "You think I don't get it, but I do. What do you want, Callum?"

Callum slides a hand around Ben's neck and turns his face up. "You." 

When their lips finally meet it feels as though all the tension has finally left his body, all the stress and insanity of the last week has gone. Everything just feels right. The taste of Ben in his mouth, the feel of him under and on top and everywhere, the way that he smells. God, the way he smells, Callum could breathe him in forever. Nothing has ever felt like this before, nothing has ever felt so good, so right as the way Ben Mitchell fits against him. 

Callum cries out when he comes, his hands squeezing Ben's hips and arse, his teeth scraping Ben's collarbone. Ben continues to circle his hips slowly in Callum's lap as he tugs Callum in for a kiss, deep and searching and soft. 

Callum grins as they slowly pull away, Ben's body slowing to a stop, his arms sliding around Callum's neck. 

"All right?" Ben asks, breathless from his own climax. 

"I never knew it could be like this." Callum says, his hands stroking up and down Ben's back, squeezing at his shoulders and his waist. It feels so different, Ben's skin is soft and his muscles are strong and supple underneath. 

Ben grins, then kisses him, once, twice, three times before shifting in Callum's lap and pulling a face when Callum moves inside him. 

"Oh, my god! I didn't pullout, I'm so sorry Ben!" 

Ben laughs and Callum loves it when he laughs. "S'all right, it ain't like you can get me pregnant."

"I should've at least asked." 

Ben laughs again and kisses Callum's forehead. It's soft and sweet and makes Callum smile. 

"I usually do use protection, but I dunno. I guess I didn't think about it." Ben says.

Callum can see the warm flush start to slowly recede from Ben's chest and neck, the sweat along the edge of his hairline slides slowly down his temple, his lips are still swollen red and slightly bruised and his already narrow eyes are hooded and warm. "You're gorgeous." Callum says and watches a blush bloom over Ben's cheeks. 

"Yeah?" Ben fights a grin, blush spreading across his nose. "You're not so bad yourself."

"Thanks." Callum smiles but he is under no illusions regarding his own looks. He's punching well above his weight with both Ben and Whitney. "D'you want a cuppa?"

"You know just what a bloke wants to hear." Ben smiles and then shifts in Callum's lap, lifting himself up on his knees. Callum feels himself sliding out of his body completely and somehow feels oddly bereft. Ben moans softly and, as they never got any further than the living room, lays back on the sofa, one arm above his head, eyes closed and legs slightly spread.

Callum wants him all over again. But, he settles for a warm slow kiss until Ben pushes at his shoulder and, without opening his eyes, says "Where's my cuppa tea?"

"Give me a minute." Callum laughs and manages to find his boxers in the mess of clothes on the floor. He sets out mugs and fills the kettle but can't keep his eyes off Ben, pale and dark against the sofa cushions, toned chest and stomach, but soft at his waist and hips and thighs, he's spectacular. Then he shivers.

There are a couple of blankets in the bottom of the wardrobe and Callum grabs one, quickly making tea once the kettles boiled and carrying a cup and blanket over to Ben.

"You looked cold." Callum spreads the blanket over Ben and Ben sits up a little to accept his tea with a smile. 

Ben sips at his tea before turning on his side and shuffling back against the sofa cushions. He lifts the corner of the blanket, "C'mere." 

Callum grins and slides in next to him, forgetting about his own tea they pass Ben's back and forth until its mostly gone and Ben leans over him to set it on the floor. He doesn't sit back up, instead he rests his head on Callum's chest and lays an arm over his waist. His weight feels wonderful, pressing down on Callum. 

"I do understand about you and Whitney, y'know." Ben suddenly says, his fingers trailing up and down Callum's side. "Back when I was still... I dunno, pretending to be straight or just hoping I could make myself straight, I was with a girl, one of my best friends - Abi."

"Max's daughter? I never got to meet her." By the time Callum had arrived Abi was already dead.

"We both had... Issues. We started bringing the worst out in each other, we were a mess. I was a mess. So many people got hurt." Ben shifts against Callum's chest, his stubble scraping Callum's skin. 

"I know what you're saying, but it's not like that with Whit, she... She was the first person to like me. She made me feel better about myself, like I'm not such a mess the whole time. I hope I make her happy too sometimes." Callum strokes his fingers through Ben's hair and squeezes the back of his neck. "This, with you, it's what I've aways wanted. But I can't hurt Whit."

Callum feels Ben take a deep breath and he props his chin on Callum's chest to to look him in the eye. "She's going to get hurt either way. When I was with Abi, Paul supported me through everything, he waited for so long, but I'm not like him Callum." He lifts himself up his elbow and brushes the back of his hand over Callum's cheek. "I'm not like that. I won't wait forever. I want you and I'm jealous and possessive and I want you to be mine. Only mine." 

Callum stutters out a breath, he forgets how intense Ben can be. "That sounds..."

Ben pushes himself up higher to kiss Callum on the lips. "You." Another kiss. "Are." And another. "Mine." 

Callum gives a small smile, "I know you're right. But I'll still need a bit of time, I do want to try and do right by Whitney." He licks the line of Ben's bottom lip.

Ben sighs and rolls his eyes sarcastically, "Fine, but you definitely owe me." 

"I'm sure I'll think of something." Callum slides a hand down Ben's back and squeezes his arse. Ben groans and pulls Callum into a hungry kiss, that turns slow and sensual and soft. He loves the little noises Ben makes when they kiss, the ones he can't stop himself from making. 

"Wait, wait." Ben pulls back, brushes his nose against Callum's. "What time is it?"

Callum wiggles his arm out from under Ben's side and checks his watch over his head. "Almost 11."

"Last orders." Ben sighs, "I'd better go, wouldn't want Whitney walking in on this." He shuffles up off Callum and out from under the blanket. 

"Ben." Callum forgets what he's about to say when he sees Ben wandering the living room looking for his clothes, his square shoulders and thick waist and lovely soft arse. "You're so fit." He breathes. 

Ben forgets his annoyance and laughs, he leans over Callum and presses their mouths together, soft and quick, "You're fit." When Ben turns back to find his clothes Callum can see the faint bruises he's left on Ben's hips and the barely there scratch marks down his back. 

Callum wants to know if Ben plans on sleeping with anyone else, but he knows he can't ask that, not while he's still with Whitney. There's something he likes about Ben's possessiveness, he likes the idea of being someone's someone, almost as much as he wants Ben to be his aswell. 

Callum gets up slowly and follows Ben's example, pulling on trousers and his undershirt. Ben slides into his leather jacket and pulls Callum into another of those kisses that make Callum feel whole and strong and weak all at the same time. Callum presses his forehead to Ben's as they separate. This close he can see the ring of Ben's contact lenses around the blue of his irises.

Ben smirks, "Soft."

"Get lost then, go on." Callum laughs and spins Ben around shoving him out of the flat and down the stairs. He can feel Ben's shoulders shaking as he laughs.

On the step of the open door Ben kisses him again, rough and deep and possessive. "No more avoiding me. I won't be kept waiting again." 

"I won't." Callum promises and kisses Ben once more before he turns and walks off into the square. 

Callum leans in the doorway and watches Ben turn back to look at him, once, twice, three times before he disappears from Callum's view. 

He heads back upstairs after that, he doesn't want it all to be over quite so soon, but he knows it must. He takes a quick shower and pulls on joggers and a t-shirt, tidies up the mugs. When he picks up the rest of his clothes he finds Ben's overshirt on the floor, he breathes a deep lungful of Ben's scent and folds the shirt inside the blanket they'd shared. He wipes down the cushions and turns them over and just as he's hiding the blanket back at the bottom of the wardrobe he hears Whitney come up the stairs. 

He smiles at her when he meets her in the kitchen and kisses her cheek, quick and soft. 

"I'm sorry about tonight, we're you all right?" She says, always so concerned for him. 

"Just had a quiet one, yeah." He responds. 

"Do me a cuppa, I'm gagging." She smiles, "And I'll get changed." She presses her painted lips to the corner of his mouth and disappears into their bedroom. 

It doesn't feel the same as it used to. Like if he really tried this would be enough, but it's not anymore. Not now he knows how it could be with someone he really wants. The guilt rises up in his chest, warring with his craving for feeling alive and no longer alone. This just isn't who he is. He knows that now. He belongs to Ben, he wants to belong to Ben. But that doesn't mean Whitney deserves any of this, she's a good person, sweet and genuine. How does he stop this from hurting her?

He fills the kettle and switches it on.


End file.
